Poll-What's the fastest way to sober-up?

your cat? mine was out all night, gosh knows where, being all cat I suppose, and he finally came home reeking of alcohol. I asked him if he was drinking, and of course he said no. But he's slurring his meows and wobbly when he walks. See, normally I don't mind if he drinks a little (you know, it's like pay-back for the neutering thing) but PETA people are coming over, and I don't want to get my cat taken away. So how do I sober him up quickly? Thank you in advance.