I have issues with myself... ?

Ok I know, whenever I see questions like this I'm always thinking how gay it is- but recently I can't deny it. I'm very self conscious.. some days I think I look pretty but it never lasts long for nearly every reason. I'm on the scale every day and I hit my head against the wall when my 5'5" body hits 140. I know how it's apparently " scary" to be thin but I've always wanted to be it.. I've tried diet and exercise but once I try it for a day, I stop because I figure that made me suddenly healthier.. I can't control it. I've even gone so far to start using pro- anorexic sites tips, and when I break the rules I always remind myself how fat and ugly I am, and that I'm too pathetic to stick with anything. When a guy takes interest in me, i try my hardest to stay away because im afraid of hurting their pride for being around a fat, homely girl. Whenever someone compliments me I tell myself they're just feeling sorry for me. I dont fit in my clothes like i used to. I wanna change so bad.. Everyone tells me that I need to love myself, and not wanna look like anyone else... But why would I wanna do that when I'm not happy about myself at all. NOT AT ALL. I really need help.. I don't want someone telling me to be happy with myself or stop comparing myself with models.. Cuz thats not the issue. I didn't type this to get attention or to say woe is me- I need help. Oh.. Did I mention I'm 14?